One of the most painful of all holidays to face with empty arms in Mother's day. A day specially designed to
honor mothers.
This day has very much been a dreading day for myself. I have learnt to prepare myself for this day. I found
that when Mother's Day comes, i have a plan in my mind, and i seem to experience less grief and people
around me are able to support me through the day that had been heavy on my heart. Most times, the
anticipation is far worse than the actual day. With some thought and careful planning, you will make it through
Mother's Day.
Mother's Day is an acutely painful reminder of that need for the child to be called "your child", as well as for
you to be called a "mother."
My first Mother's Day without our son Jacob was very difficult and I remember going to church not really
remembering what goes on at church on Mother's Day. I was greeted at the door. Our senior pastor's wife
shared the message that morning and they handed out a box of sweets with a card - a poet "Masterpiece".
I have always enjoyed the way our church celebrates Mother's Day...because its all about celebrating
"Womanhood" and every girl over the age of 18 is honored. Being a bereaved mother I have always
appreciated that concept. Last couple of years my husband Steve and my mother go out of their way to get
me something on Mother's Day - it makes me appreciate for remembering me as a mother and makes me sad
that I am unable to hold our children. After church we visit the grave site.
Mother's Day has grown bigger and bigger throughout the years. Reminders are placed everywhere a month
before Mother's Day. We are bombarded with advertisements everywhere we go. It is impossible to pick up
the paper, listen to radio, or turn on the TV without some kind of reminder of Mother's Day. And sometimes
during the month I have to think about my mother and how I am going to thank her for being a great mother
and grandmother.
Mother's Day arouses feelings of nurturing, tenderness and precious family time spent together. We think of
mother/daughter banquets, fresh flowers, and young children serving their mothers breakfast in bed. But for
us mothers this day is a holiday that is one of the most painful of all to endure. The reality of life is that
Mother's Day will arrive in May even if a mother is deeply grieving the loss of her child.
How can you make it through the day when your heart is breaking from loss?
- Validate your child
Validation is an important part of grief healing, and is so important on a holiday such as Mother's Day.
- Name your child
- Write a love letter to your child
- Plant a flower/tree in memory of your child
- Plan a time for a balloon release - giving your baby permission to be away while you remains the child's
mother.
- Treat yourself with something special that will remind you of your child (eg. A piece of jewelery)
- Journal your thoughts
- Time of remembrance - bring the family together and work on a memory box in honor of your child. Memory
box of poems, a special writing, a photo, or a story in the honor of the child.
- Do you want to be acknowledge in church on Mother's Day even though your child is not here with you?
Speak to your minister.
Many mothers choose to stay home and do nothing special at all on Mother's Day, and that is ok. Grief
follows no rules and there's no right or wrong way to grief. If you have to, explain to others that this day is
painful. Giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way is very healing and helpful. Remember tears
are cleansing and are not a sign of failure.
You are a mother and nothing can change that.
Women, we honor you as mothers and we remember each and every child.
HONORING MOTHER'S IN GRIEF
Mother's Day originated as a way of bringing honor and recognition to all mothers. For grieving mothers,
Mother's Day is often a day of many tears and feeling of deep heartache.
And it is a day that family members and friends are left wondering how to help, greet or include a grieving
mother in the special tradition (meals, special flower corsages..) of the day. Sadly, because people don't
know what to do or say to a mother whose child has died, they often do what is easier - they say or do
nothing. There is no greater heartbreak known to a mother than for Mother's Day to arrive without
recognition and validation of being a mother to the deceased child. To be overlooked on Mother's Day is to
add a burden of extra grief to an already broken heart.
Every mother longs to have her child validated. Every mother longs to hear the sweetest name on this earth
- the name of her child who has died. Every mother has the need to feel that she is included among those
who are honored by wearing the most coveted name among women - "mother."
How can you help?
- Deliver a flower in memory of the deceased child.
- A book of hopeful thoughts
- A poem or piece of writing
- A candle
- A card "thinking of you today" or "To heavenly mother" or special words saying "You are a special mother
and i want to honor you as such."
- Flower with helium balloon
- You can be the listening ears - allowing the mother to talk as much as she wants about her child. Spend
some time with her and lend her your ears. Most mothers love to share experiences and feelings about their
children, even when a child is no longer alive.
Find your unique way of communicating to a mother in grief that she still deserves honor and special
recognition on Mother's Day. She is after all a mother to be honored.
honor mothers.
This day has very much been a dreading day for myself. I have learnt to prepare myself for this day. I found
that when Mother's Day comes, i have a plan in my mind, and i seem to experience less grief and people
around me are able to support me through the day that had been heavy on my heart. Most times, the
anticipation is far worse than the actual day. With some thought and careful planning, you will make it through
Mother's Day.
Mother's Day is an acutely painful reminder of that need for the child to be called "your child", as well as for
you to be called a "mother."
My first Mother's Day without our son Jacob was very difficult and I remember going to church not really
remembering what goes on at church on Mother's Day. I was greeted at the door. Our senior pastor's wife
shared the message that morning and they handed out a box of sweets with a card - a poet "Masterpiece".
I have always enjoyed the way our church celebrates Mother's Day...because its all about celebrating
"Womanhood" and every girl over the age of 18 is honored. Being a bereaved mother I have always
appreciated that concept. Last couple of years my husband Steve and my mother go out of their way to get
me something on Mother's Day - it makes me appreciate for remembering me as a mother and makes me sad
that I am unable to hold our children. After church we visit the grave site.
Mother's Day has grown bigger and bigger throughout the years. Reminders are placed everywhere a month
before Mother's Day. We are bombarded with advertisements everywhere we go. It is impossible to pick up
the paper, listen to radio, or turn on the TV without some kind of reminder of Mother's Day. And sometimes
during the month I have to think about my mother and how I am going to thank her for being a great mother
and grandmother.
Mother's Day arouses feelings of nurturing, tenderness and precious family time spent together. We think of
mother/daughter banquets, fresh flowers, and young children serving their mothers breakfast in bed. But for
us mothers this day is a holiday that is one of the most painful of all to endure. The reality of life is that
Mother's Day will arrive in May even if a mother is deeply grieving the loss of her child.
How can you make it through the day when your heart is breaking from loss?
- Validate your child
Validation is an important part of grief healing, and is so important on a holiday such as Mother's Day.
- Name your child
- Write a love letter to your child
- Plant a flower/tree in memory of your child
- Plan a time for a balloon release - giving your baby permission to be away while you remains the child's
mother.
- Treat yourself with something special that will remind you of your child (eg. A piece of jewelery)
- Journal your thoughts
- Time of remembrance - bring the family together and work on a memory box in honor of your child. Memory
box of poems, a special writing, a photo, or a story in the honor of the child.
- Do you want to be acknowledge in church on Mother's Day even though your child is not here with you?
Speak to your minister.
Many mothers choose to stay home and do nothing special at all on Mother's Day, and that is ok. Grief
follows no rules and there's no right or wrong way to grief. If you have to, explain to others that this day is
painful. Giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way is very healing and helpful. Remember tears
are cleansing and are not a sign of failure.
You are a mother and nothing can change that.
Women, we honor you as mothers and we remember each and every child.
HONORING MOTHER'S IN GRIEF
Mother's Day originated as a way of bringing honor and recognition to all mothers. For grieving mothers,
Mother's Day is often a day of many tears and feeling of deep heartache.
And it is a day that family members and friends are left wondering how to help, greet or include a grieving
mother in the special tradition (meals, special flower corsages..) of the day. Sadly, because people don't
know what to do or say to a mother whose child has died, they often do what is easier - they say or do
nothing. There is no greater heartbreak known to a mother than for Mother's Day to arrive without
recognition and validation of being a mother to the deceased child. To be overlooked on Mother's Day is to
add a burden of extra grief to an already broken heart.
Every mother longs to have her child validated. Every mother longs to hear the sweetest name on this earth
- the name of her child who has died. Every mother has the need to feel that she is included among those
who are honored by wearing the most coveted name among women - "mother."
How can you help?
- Deliver a flower in memory of the deceased child.
- A book of hopeful thoughts
- A poem or piece of writing
- A candle
- A card "thinking of you today" or "To heavenly mother" or special words saying "You are a special mother
and i want to honor you as such."
- Flower with helium balloon
- You can be the listening ears - allowing the mother to talk as much as she wants about her child. Spend
some time with her and lend her your ears. Most mothers love to share experiences and feelings about their
children, even when a child is no longer alive.
Find your unique way of communicating to a mother in grief that she still deserves honor and special
recognition on Mother's Day. She is after all a mother to be honored.
| Masterpiece In the land of Mercy God looked out from his throne Searching for the precious one Who would make His name well known He was looking for a masterpiece A trophy of His Grace Ans as he looked upon the earth He settled on your face He said this one is costly Valuable and rare She truly is a treasure And no other can compare So He brought you to His mansion To His throne room you were lead As He gazed upon your beauty He placed a brown upon your head He wanted all the world to know His love for you would never cease You're a gifted, precious work of art God's living masterpiece! - Shelley |
