Another Baby. . . Maybe?
Maybe you are one of the many people trying for another baby soon after a SIDS death. It’s natural - you want to fill your empty
arms. Yet you may feel frightened that it will happen again. You will need to figure out how long to wait and what seems right for
you. For many parents, the thought of having another baby brings comfort. Others comment that they feel they are betraying their
baby who has died. The "right" time to embark on this will vary depending on your individual circumstances. Trust yourself about
the timing.
When a baby dies, well-intentioned people generally try to persuade parents that having another baby as soon as possible is the
only answer to accepting that death. If you had infertility problems or other losses it may seem especially cruel. Rather strong
attempts may sometimes be made to convince you that healing can only be accomplished this way. But "healing" is actually
nothing more than incorporating an event into your life in a way that enables you to live with it in an appropriate fashion. Doing that
takes time. You cannot necessarily speed up the process of healing by having or not having another baby.
If you decide not to have another baby and that decision is based upon your own reasons, be secure with the fact that this
decision is right for you. If you decide not to have another baby, but you think this decision is based more on fear than on practical
considerations, do not hesitate to seek some counseling. You will not be the first or the last person to experience this feeling.
If you are expecting a baby, you will probably be a little nervous and excited as well as afraid. It is hard to be patient. It’s also unfair
to have to wait and go through this all again. The pregnancy can seem to last forever and it may be hard not to believe that it won’t
happen again. Building a good support system can really help. Talk with your doctor or another health professional; you can also
contact First Candle. Speaking with other bereaved parents who have had subsequent children may help. Search within your
group of relatives and friends for people who will listen to your fears, not give you lots of unsolicited advice. Reviewing the facts
about SIDS deaths and reducing the risks may also be reassuring.
For lack of a better term, your next child has been called the "subsequent child" or "subsequent pregnancy." This new child is
indeed a very special one, to you and to everyone else. The birth of a subsequent child can be an overwhelming emotional
experience. When you see and hold your new baby for the first time, you may find that difficult memories come flooding back and
intermingle with the pleasure you are feeling. The moment can be a mixture of great joy and intense pain.
The most uncomfortable period will be the point when your subsequent baby nears the age or the time of the pregnancy of the
baby who died. It is one of those milestones that must be reached and passed. Once it is, most parents report that their moments
of uneasiness start to decrease. Most of all, be assured that you are not the only person to experience discomfort or panic. Nearly
everyone does. You can only do your best in finding ways to handle it. If you find that you are feeling uneasy most of the time, be
sure to consult your doctor, other health professional or First Candle for additional help.
The birth of your newborn represents hope, and a promise of the continuity of life. Joy and sorrow are memories in your life that
enable you to know the importance of hope. Many parents have weathered the crisis, panic, and great joy of their subsequent
child's pregnancy and infancy. They acknowledge that while it was not always easy and they had to work at handling their
emotions, their effort was rewarded by one of the most wonderful periods in their lives.
Author Unknown
Maybe you are one of the many people trying for another baby soon after a SIDS death. It’s natural - you want to fill your empty
arms. Yet you may feel frightened that it will happen again. You will need to figure out how long to wait and what seems right for
you. For many parents, the thought of having another baby brings comfort. Others comment that they feel they are betraying their
baby who has died. The "right" time to embark on this will vary depending on your individual circumstances. Trust yourself about
the timing.
When a baby dies, well-intentioned people generally try to persuade parents that having another baby as soon as possible is the
only answer to accepting that death. If you had infertility problems or other losses it may seem especially cruel. Rather strong
attempts may sometimes be made to convince you that healing can only be accomplished this way. But "healing" is actually
nothing more than incorporating an event into your life in a way that enables you to live with it in an appropriate fashion. Doing that
takes time. You cannot necessarily speed up the process of healing by having or not having another baby.
If you decide not to have another baby and that decision is based upon your own reasons, be secure with the fact that this
decision is right for you. If you decide not to have another baby, but you think this decision is based more on fear than on practical
considerations, do not hesitate to seek some counseling. You will not be the first or the last person to experience this feeling.
If you are expecting a baby, you will probably be a little nervous and excited as well as afraid. It is hard to be patient. It’s also unfair
to have to wait and go through this all again. The pregnancy can seem to last forever and it may be hard not to believe that it won’t
happen again. Building a good support system can really help. Talk with your doctor or another health professional; you can also
contact First Candle. Speaking with other bereaved parents who have had subsequent children may help. Search within your
group of relatives and friends for people who will listen to your fears, not give you lots of unsolicited advice. Reviewing the facts
about SIDS deaths and reducing the risks may also be reassuring.
For lack of a better term, your next child has been called the "subsequent child" or "subsequent pregnancy." This new child is
indeed a very special one, to you and to everyone else. The birth of a subsequent child can be an overwhelming emotional
experience. When you see and hold your new baby for the first time, you may find that difficult memories come flooding back and
intermingle with the pleasure you are feeling. The moment can be a mixture of great joy and intense pain.
The most uncomfortable period will be the point when your subsequent baby nears the age or the time of the pregnancy of the
baby who died. It is one of those milestones that must be reached and passed. Once it is, most parents report that their moments
of uneasiness start to decrease. Most of all, be assured that you are not the only person to experience discomfort or panic. Nearly
everyone does. You can only do your best in finding ways to handle it. If you find that you are feeling uneasy most of the time, be
sure to consult your doctor, other health professional or First Candle for additional help.
The birth of your newborn represents hope, and a promise of the continuity of life. Joy and sorrow are memories in your life that
enable you to know the importance of hope. Many parents have weathered the crisis, panic, and great joy of their subsequent
child's pregnancy and infancy. They acknowledge that while it was not always easy and they had to work at handling their
emotions, their effort was rewarded by one of the most wonderful periods in their lives.
Author Unknown
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